The night we met

I sat behind a card table in the entryway of the Akins’ home. Hayride night. I had name tag duty. The night was cool. Every time another family showed up, bumping their way in, with Mom holding a baby and Dad carrying a casserole dish and kids shuffling around, the cool air would sneak in, too […]

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Doing the impossible

Two summers ago, we were camping in Colorado. We ran away from the muggy summer heat and beach closures of Puerto Rico, away from the pandemic and crowds and cities into the mountains, into the woods. One still June night, I laid on a deflating air mattress, trying to quietly cry and hoping it would […]

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I really like mornings

“She said to go ahead and feel the feelings. I did. They felt like shit.” Anne Lamott In the morning, all the things I worried about last night seem silly and ridiculous. I’m outside. There’s sunshine, kids’ voices, trees, birds, traffic. Everything seems doable. I’m walking, moving forward literally and metaphorically. But tonight may bring […]

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Holding my own shape

A couple of weeks ago, I was berating myself for not being good at boundaries. My therapist kept asking me questions, pulling out specifics (like it’s his job or something, weird), until I saw something new: “Hey, wait… Maybe… I think… You know what? I’m not bad at having boundaries. I’m pretty good at it. […]

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Not just grateful but formidable

“It’s all there, the good, the bad, but so are we and why not be not just grateful but formidable.” Joan F, commented here I am not good at maps, or navigating, or spatial orientation in general. I am very good at getting lost and not freaking out about it. I am an expert at finding […]

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New choices appear

Do I spend the next hour reading about Ukraineabortion laws or writing down little unimportant pieces of my life? Do I track the latest stats on Covid, get mad about politics, or read a few poems? Do I think about gas prices or what to make for dinner? Do I take a walk in the […]

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All or nothing deconstruction

“Are you an all-or-nothing person?” my therapist asked me, a few weeks ago. I had to think about it. I wasn’t sure. Former evangelicals might deconstruct the tenets and practices of the particular flavor of Christianity they left behind. Activists and social critics might deconstruct the “standard” version of history which justifies the structures of a […]

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End of an era

I started crying in my last therapy session (this happens in most of the sessions) and my therapist said, Why are you sad? And I said, I don’t know. Which doesn’t really count as an answer so I explained how for a while after my Mom died I had this uninvited but frequent narrative flowing […]

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