Where to go from here

Self-protection as a way of life is not a way of life it is a way of growing smaller and smaller shrinking and shrinking until you force your whole being to crouch down and curl up Inside the little shell of identity your fears have built That’s where you have to live now, welcome home!, it’s your whole […]

This is a test

“It’s gonna change, baby dollIt’s gonna change, honey ballIt’s gonna change, sugar caneIt’s gonna change, sweetie legs” Yoko Ono This is a test but so is everything. Everyone is watching you and everyone will judge you and you have to make peace with it. Also, no one is watching you and no one cares and […]

Love is not trying to fix

When will we learn that there’s nothing to fix? Until we do, we will keep looking for the fix in each other. And being so disappointed. Loving is a good thing, a good good good thing, the best thing. Maybe the only thing. But loving is not enabling. Loving is not sacrificing. Loving is not […]

I carry myself a little different

“If you desire healing,let yourself fall illlet yourself fall ill.” ―Rumi I have a scar running from my belly button down, almost to my pubic bone. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t think about it most of the time. But it holds memories. It tells me a story about myself. What I’ve been through. What […]

Maybe that’s the lesson

“What I really desired was to feel free of the fear that had been dominating my life for so long, as well as a connection to a higher power… I didn’t want to worry so much and I didn’t want to feel like I had to be in control of everything.” —Judith Orloff There are […]

What feminism means to me

I grew up in the Deep South: a small town in Mississippi, home to one of the state’s two universities (the best one, obviously), a Wal-Mart and a Piggly Wiggly, a small hospital, a bunch of bars, and a bunch of churches. Years later, I returned, following my parents “back home” to attend that university. […]

Where shame goes

The man was a couple of spots ahead in the line. Bulky coat. Gray hair curling on his collar. Hunched a bit, shuffling, but tall. And suddenly loud. “Is there only one person behind the counter?” he yelled. The one person behind the counter stayed carefully focused on the current customer. “Hello? Is there no […]

Rules for living

“Maybe I bend to the right‘Cause I don’t wanna be wrong.” Thunder Jackson Having boundaries, or rules for myself—rules for living—is helpful. Clear lines. A path to follow. Fewer decisions to make. Less ambiguity. Can also be a problem. There are potential pitfalls: becoming legalistic and inflexible judging myself harshly for breaking my own rules […]