Today I turn 43. Starting my birthday as I usually do by making a list.
- Peaceful rhythms
- Frequent conversations and regular connections with the important people in my life
- Being able to name the urgency and separate myself from it
- Miles under my feet
- Choosing how much weight to give anything: what someone thinks of me, a failed project, a need or request, my own anxieties
- Knowing myself to be a part of nature as much as any rock or tree or stone or star or speck of dust
- No trouble has befallen me except what is common to humankind, and even in that trouble I have existed in protected places and privileged ways
- My body mostly does what I ask it to and this is a great gift
- The pleasure of bullshitting with someone who won’t take your bullshit seriously
- Hugs from my children
- I can ask for and receive help and this is a great gift
- Welcoming the interruptions of love
- Softer days
- Keeping my promises to myself
- Fine-point pens. Ultra fine
- Assuming good intentions, and recognizing that good intentions do not guarantee good choices
- Orienting myself in the direction I want to go and trusting the tiny steps that move me there
- Knowing that comfort increases my capacity for courage
- Writing things down
- Making lists
- Offering only what I can afford to give
- Choosing to do things now because there is no pause button
- Being trusted with the precious and messy things of the heart
- Remembering I can call someone who loves me instead of crying alone
- Recognizing my anger as a tool, a translator, a compass, a shield
- Not rushing into forgiveness
- Not taking things personally
- Not assuming another’s offense
- Not becoming support staff
- Not bearing the weight of the world
- Trees
- Happiness large enough to contain grief and sadness and uncertainty
- Learning to build stability by cultivating personal agency
- Knowing how to end a conversation
- Feeling safe
- Limiting the inputs
- Lifting heavy things
- Savoring contrast
- Not needing approval because I validate myself
- Not seeking permission because I authorize myself
- Dancing
- Sturdy confidence
- Beginning again tomorrow